...

on sex and food

(inspired by gil cuadros’ city of god)

17 November 2022

the first time i kissed a man
i wanted,
who wanted me,
he told me “slow down,
slow down,
we have time,
it’s okay,
you are so hungry”
ravenous.
i waited for years.
desperate for
the secret taste.
ad nauseam.
every night.
i ate so much of him i made myself sick,
taste of salt in my mouth,
trembling and choking,

starvation becomes a prize.
a badge you can hold
emptiness guarded deep in your gut
by tigers pacing.
victory’s whisper
“look at my strength!”
the heart’s secret call
“don’t look at my weakness”
the knot unmade by ripe fruit.

disgust and appetite are their own lovers,
back together after each messy divorce,
my gut their courtroom, kitchen, and bed